With the help of the wife, I’ve matched the 16 Republican candidates for president with their corresponding character from “Pride and Prejudice”
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| Like Mr. Darcy, Donald trump is rich, rude and women want him. | |
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| Jeb! and Mr. Collins are both completely oblivious to fact that they’re creepy, repulsive losers. I have it on good authority that Columba encouraged Jeb! to run for president to keep him away from the house. | |
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| Ted Cruz isn’t many voters’ first choice, but most voters find him agreeable. Like Mr. Bingley, no one will accuse you of settling if you wind up with him. | |
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| At first glance, Lindsey Graham and Lydia Bennet seem to have little in common. One is girlish, silly and swoons with desire the sight of a man in uniform. The other is a fictional character. | |
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| Rick Perry and Kitty Bennet are both weak willed, fairly stupid and desperately need to be kept away from the wrong crowd. Eventually Kitty’s behavior improves as she spends more time with Elizabeth and Jane instead of Lydia. We can only hope the same is true of Rick Perry now that he doesn’t have to hang around with the Texas State Legislature. | |
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| Rick Santorum and Mrs. Bennet are both emotionally unstable and possibly insane. The main difference is that Mrs. Bennet’s craziness is kind of funny, while Rick Santorum’s untreated paranoid delusions are kind of sad. | |
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| Georgina Darcy is quiet, amiable and ultimately not that important to the story–a perfect fit for John Kasich, the 2016 version of Tim Pawlenty. | |
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| Even in New York they’re saying “Who? I don’t remember that guy.” | |
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| Unattractive, condescending and ill mannered, Lady Catherine de Bourgh is a perfect fit for Chris Christie. | |
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| Mr. Bennet is an excellent conversationalist that everyone likes, but he’s a complete failure as a husband and father as he can’t manage to influence the behavior of his wife and children. Similarly, everyone likes Ben Carson, and he gives a fine speech, but he just doesn’t have the temperament to push any of his ideas through a reluctant congress. | |
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| Despite not being very bright or talented, Mary is constantly trying to show off her knowledge and accomplishments. Carly Fiorina left a trail of massive layoffs and crashing stock prices in her wake as she mismanaged her way through Lucent and HP. She thinks this entitles her to political office, but in a just world she’d be in the stocks being pelted with fruit by angry shareholders. | |
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| Bobby Jindal is only in this race because he hopes to impress one of the other candidates enough to get a vice-presidential nod. Mrs. Hurst is also a sidekick–her sole purpose in the story is to keep an unmarried woman from being alone in a house full of men. | |
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| Sir William Lucas earned a Knighthood, but it’s not clear how. Mike Huckabee seems to be well regarded by Republican voters but no one can explain why. I’m sure Mike Huckabee ran a very nice sort of shop. | |
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| The actress who played Miss Bingley in the 1995 miniseries looks like a young Scott Walker in drag. Poor girl. | |
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| Both Charlotte Lucas and Rand Paul compromised their romantic ideals in favor of practical concerns. Both wound up more unhappy with this state of affairs than they expected. Rand Paul is so bitter, he seems to be seconds away from carving Chris Christie into strips of blubber and rendering him into lamp oil. Here’s hoping. | |
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| I don’t care how handsome you think he is, this man is not to be trusted under any circumstances. | |
Peter's Principle 
You’ve just ruined Pride and Prejudice for me!